How To Say “NO”: Tips On How To Be More Assertive

Have you ever been in a situation where you want to say “NO” but the words just can’t seem to escape your mouth?

For Example:

You and your friend are about to go out and have a ladies night. While getting ready she asks if she can borrow your favorite top. Not only is this top super expensive but she already has a history of not returning the items that she borrows. It’s like pulling teeth when it comes to getting your stuff back from her. In the back of your mind you want to say…NO. However, the word doesn’t seem to want to come out of your mouth and instead your end up let her borrowing it anyway. Instantly you feel regret as well as heightened anxiety because you know she’s not going to give it back to you anytime soon.

The reason why we do this is because we are SCARED to disappoint our peers or loved ones. The word “No” can be a very powerful word and if used improperly, it can do a significant amount of damage to your relationship. If you find yourself doing this, there is nothing wrong with you! What this means is that you are a genuine person who truly values your relationship with the other person. You value it so much that you will do and say anything, even if you DO NOT AGREE with that they say, to make sure you and this person will always be on good terms. If you can relate, first off I’d like to say you are an amazing kindhearted individual, the world could surely use more people like you. Secondly, stop allowing people to walk all over you because you are so much better than that! Today I come to you with tips on how to assert yourself and say “no” to things you don’t agree with. Learn how to put that foot down when necessary and be the individual you deserve to be!

Just Say It

Alright so let’s practice saying the word “NO”….Ready?!! OK!

Can I Borrow your..? NO!!

Are you…? NO!!

Do you…? NO!!

See? That wasn’t so hard now was it? If you don’t feel comfortable doing something, I don’t care how close you are with this person, don’t be afraid to say NO. You are not obligated to do anything for anybody just like they aren’t obligated to do anything for you! Sometimes we have to put our foot down and let the other person know what’s up. Never allow anyone to take advantage of you! Always listen your gut with any and everything you do in this life. If you feel like you are being taken advantage of and this person doesn’t really give a damn about you, chances are that feeling may be right. Life has a funny way of revealing who’s there for us and who’s really not. Trust and believe karma is real and those individuals will definitely pay for taking advantage of your generosity. Which bring us to my next point…

Learn To Be More Assertive

When you give this person the benefit of the doubt I want you to stand up (or sit up) straight, look them dead in the eye, put some BASS in your voice and let them know what it is. You know what that’s called? It’s called asserting your dominance! The reason why people think they can get over on you is simply because you allow them to do so. Unfortunately, the kindness that you show them is generally perceived as being naïve or weakness. You see not everyone is as kindhearted as you and they could care less about how you feel. People will pretty much try and take advantage of you at any given chance in order to get the things that they want out of you. Break the cycle by being firm with your words and sticking to what you say! Say what you mean and REALLY mean what you say! Eventually they will get the hint and come to the realization that you are not to be messed with.

Stop Being Scared

Alright, I get it (seriously I do); people can be scary sometimes. Some people can be quite intimidating and even just the simplest conversation with them makes you want to just go hide in a corner somewhere. Keep in mind, that the fear that you are feeling at the moment is just a mindset that CAN be changed with the RIGHT ATTITUDE. You are responsible for your own actions and choices. Don’t allow anyone to influence you with what you say and think. With that being said, it is pertinent that you change your perspective and put forth the effort to get over that fear (which in this case is the fear of disappointing the other party.) Everybody experiences disappointment at some point in their lives. As time goes on and the feelings begin to disperse towards the situation, we begin to get over the situation. In short…they’ll live…you’ll be alright…and everyone can get on with their lives. Feelings may be hurt but at least you finally stood up to them and faced your fear. Congrats!

When it comes to the word “no” a lot of us fear what the other party will say or do. Sometimes, in order to get our point’s across we have to stick to our beliefs and embrace our fears. Let that fear go and stopped being so scared! We are all equal with the freedom to express ourselves and nobody has any power over you. Agreeing and accepting everything just to appease someone else can actually cause you more harm then good. Think of all the regrets and emotional turmoil you’ll end up experiencing. You’ll be stuck playing the “what if” game wondering what would’ve happened if you simply just told the person no. Don’t do this to yourself! You deserve just as much out of this life as the next person. Stop stressing yourself out by trying to please everyone; especially if they are not going out of their way to do the same for you. It is not selfish to do for yourself and lookout for your own best interests. I know your heart is in the right place but it is impossible to please everyone.

As far as personal growth is concerned, what is something that you feel you need to work on and what are you doing to improve it? Feel free to leave me a comment below!

Join the Conversation

27 Comments

    1. I struggle with this. I go thru phases of being a doormat and then sometimes I can be quite good about asserting myself. It depends on the situation for me but I get so annoyed with myself when I let people walk all over me which then makes me feel worse!

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  1. This was eye opening to me. I do feel it’s hard to say No to your loved one cause of the disappointment we they might feel as you stated but it’s healthy to keep boundaries as well.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Yes I completely agree on the being more assertive part because you have to be willing to stand up for yourself and say no times ie that friend has no issues not bringing your stuff back then yeah they should have no issues the next time when you tell them no

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I understand, that feeling really does suck but you have to stand your ground and don’t hold back. There may be a moment of disappointment, but eventually they’ll have an understanding of why you told them “no” and all will be well again! No problem, good luck! 😊

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Such an empowering post. As a passive person before, I had trouble saying no, and was always the one who went with the flow. But now I’ve become better and learning to be more assertive by just being honest. If I don’t feel like I don’t want to go out with my friends, I just say it honestly, and they understand. And I think honesty can be a good help. Thanks for shating this wonderful post! 🌻😊💛

    Liked by 1 person

  4. This is great! I needed to read this today as my bf wants to travel out of state next month to visit friends and I just don’t feel comfortable yet because of covid. I want to tell him no but I don’t want to seem lame. I just don’t have a good feeling about it.

    Liked by 1 person

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